woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
should my penis look like a turkey
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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