Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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