Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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