I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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