Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
