she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
