Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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