My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
