note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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