and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
