and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He has the fingertips of a God
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
