I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
