I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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