Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
