TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize