I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
