Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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