All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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