So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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