if i can run in heels then i can drive
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Houston, we have a blender
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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