Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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