The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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