I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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