He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
