That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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