You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
