Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
