i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
