It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
