it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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