4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
