i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
there is glitter all over my balls
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
