My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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