i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
