yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
