U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
