when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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