you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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