At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize