He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
