I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
