I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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