Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
