I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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