I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
