we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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