Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
