i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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