Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
