What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
