Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
