So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
