I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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