she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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