i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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