why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
tell me about the fingering
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