Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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