So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
