Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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