try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
