what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
