mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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