3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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