I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
