I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wear drunk well.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
