I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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