I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
