covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
