My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
