glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
