Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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