smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize