He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
