Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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