Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
