You're so nebulous sometimes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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