he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
