Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize