He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
