don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
