I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I smell stomach acid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
