Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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