Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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