i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
