I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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