you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
