i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
