I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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