some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize