Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
