I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
