brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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