My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
