we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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