Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
