Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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