I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
