when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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