im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
