What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
